I have been in a state hospital for almost a year now for both suicide attempts and serious cutting and have learned so much and am so grateful for the therapist i was given but i am soon to be discharged to my mother's home (i am 19) and am so scared that i can't do it. i almost want to cut myself just to sabotage my discharge -- it has been 7 months since my last incident. i'm so scared because i feel like i really lean on my therapist and the transition to someone else will be really hard. it is up in the air if i can see her as an outpatient or if my insurance won't cover it and the uncertainty is KILLING me. i know it's bad to be dependent on one person and i really do have other resources i use, but we talked a lot about my trauma history and i've never been able to trust ANYONE like this. is it normal to get so attached to a therapist (i've had many and have never felt like this about one before)? i have so much anxiety/energy i can never sleep and all i do is pace but i run around with a big smile on my face so everyone thinks i'm just happy and doing so much better but really i'm so torn up inside. i really want to cut or burn or anything and i'm dropping so many hints to people because i guess its not really want i want because i do want to get better and stay better and live a "normal" life. you would think it's a good thing to leave the hospital and i'm probably so weird for being terrified but i am! advice please!
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