i wanted to cut and was worried hed see so i kept it at a minimum. he called last night drunk, bitching at me and asking me what i want out of him. we'd been together since last june, split up for a couple months, and just decided in the past week to try to make things work. and already this starts. he called this morning to tell me he passed out in the hall on top of the stairs in his duplex's living room. said he was sorry, asked what he said. it was too late then. six or seven too deep, too long slashes across my skin. i was so good for so long, even when i did cut, they weren't like this. he's killing me, i just want things to be like before. he says he loves me, but its different. was supposed to call before i went to work today, that was 2:30 in the afternoon.. .still no call... i wonder if hes at his old fuckbuddy's house. couldn't blame him, she's a slut but not crazy like me. i don't want to push my shit on him, but since we decided we're gonna try again, all i do is wonder what he's up to, why he isn't calling or trying to be out here with me (45 minute drive). it makes me feel like shit, so i cut... i don't know what to do, i love him but i hate this. i just want things to feel like they used to, but i don't think they will... but what if i pass this up and it all blows over? haha, happily ever after? i'm a sucker...
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