When I started cutting it began as...I don't want to say a way to get attention but more as a cry for help I guess. I was so depressed and lonely I felt I had no other way to let people see how much I hurt. When I told my friends about it, well it started working. I learned quickly how to use my depression to manipulate. It didn't take them long for them to realise what I was doing and most of them pushed me away. The only problem is that I really did hurt and I really did love cutting, I just used it in ways I shouldn't have. Now years later I don't trust myself to open up to people or talk to them about anything personal. I still have so much pain and no one really knows. I want more than anything to have someone that will listen to me. How do I know if I'm just doing it to manipulate them into being a better friend or if I'm just trying to talk? Is there a difference??? There's this guy who I feel like I could talk to and I really want to. Of course I like him and want it to be more than just a friendship so I'm not sure if I just want to tell him my problems to get closer to him. I feel like I've become so screwed up I don't know how to make friends or start a relationship anymore. Are my intentions wrong if I want to open up to people just to get closer to them? I don't know if any of this makes sense but please I need help. I can't hold all this in anymore!!! I don't want to be alone anymore. Please help!!!
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