its like i can go a couple weeks no problem, but the moment im backed into a corner, i feel ashamed, i feel alone, i feel like im just destined to be here in this place forever! i punish myself, because i feel like if i do it then i know im getting what i deserve. and i also have bad problems with dissossiation, sorry if i miss spelled it lol but anyways, the cuts get deeper everytime, last time i cut so deep i could see just the outside of the vein, if id put just enough pressure on it i would have sliced it open. i want to stop, but i dont want to stop cuz its my only release, when i do it i feel like finaly i can breathe again, im bleeding, and i feel something at all, and for a few moments im back again...til the next time when it all comes back again.