Have gone absolutely insane on my lower arm with a razor in the vain hope that I would bleed to death. Am still annoyingly conscious. Want to cut even more. Have phoned the crisis team countless times but she will NOT have me hospitalized despite the fact that I am off my fucking head and my arm looks like its been carved by a blind, psychopathic butcher. Probably needs stitches. But I can't get to A&E as its nearly 4am and I have no way of sneaking out of the house without someone noticing and me getting in serious trouble with my parents. And cant go tomorrow as I am expected to sit and smile for the family Boxing Day party. So am trapped. Just want to cut until I black out. Preferably until at least February.
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