I need someone to help me. I am so embarrassed. I have had a panic attack tonight. I was crying a lot and I dont know why I did it but I cut my knee. I got overwhelmed with things in my life and started feeling very crappy about myself. I looked for something sharp. First it was a pair of scissors, that didnt cut my skin on my knee. I got a shower because it freaked me out that I would even try that. It got worse. I was reading more mail, more bills, and missing my husband. I remembered that I had a carpet knife under my bed in a box from when we moved. I knew that I shouldnt get it out. I got it out.This is the first time I have done this. Lately I have been scratching myself raw in places for no reason, just when I get upset or nervouse or very anxious. I sliced my knee, at first just a little slice at a time, only a little blood cam out. then I just kept doing it one slice beside the other. It didnt hurt is the thing. It didnt bther me. I just knew it was wrong. I called my husband upset and crying, I felt like he deserves someone who doesnt have these ongoing problems. I told him what I did. He is out of town working. He called his parents. They came and got me and are helping me. I have a dr.s appt. tommorrow. I know I am gonna have to tell him. What am i doing? I know that this isnt good. Especially being my first time trying to use something sharp to do it with. How do I make myself stop this? Am I doing it on purpose? I dont know what is wrong with me. I dont want to be like this. Can anyone help me or talk me through this?
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