I have very strong beliefs and absolutly no doubt that there is a high power, for want of a better word, i've known in my heart that i haven't been happy in this flat, even before the trouble with my neighbors, i know that i had become lazy and idle, happy to slide through life, continuely going down familar dark paths, because i know they're "safe." BUT i know deep in my heart i want better for myself...a friend said to me a few days ago, there are signs all around us and our instincts often tell us, that not all is right within our lives, and that it is down to you alone to change your life for the better, no one else, but if you choose to keep ignoring the signs, keep ignoring your instincts and what you know deep in your heart to be true.You can rest assured that, god, the universe call it what you will, WILL blow apart the bullshit in your life, and you can choose to continue with your life interpreting it as some punishment, wallowing in self-pity blaming the world for your problems OR you can take accountability and responsabilty and see it as an opportunity in that moment of clarity, to do something about the direction your life is going.

I don't want to look back in 6 months time or 10yrs time and see this as another opportunity that i passed up, because i allowed my FEARs to rule my heart! I can't keep making excuses, and blaming other people for all of my problems. I just can't keep making up excuses either, and not taking any accountabilty or responsabiltiy for my actions.

I understand, that some people are in different places in their own heads, and each of you will interpret what i have said in your own unique way. It's my hope that what i have written will touch someone in a positive way, or at least strike a small cord that will echo through you. It won't with everyone, i know that. Don't give up!!