Self-Injury Support Group

Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.

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I know this is disgusting

deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi everyone. Havent posted a topic in a while. Been busy at work and extremely depressed even with the switch from BuSpar to Klonipin. I just cant get rid of the anxiety. Last night, when I couldnt cope anymore and decided to cut, I realized something that I do before I cut again. Its like during each episode, I will make some semi deep long slashes, then after a few days, when Im nervous or mad at myself I will pull the scab/skin off that trying to heal the wound Ive created. Sometimes its so close to healing and I will force it open again. Its so painful that tears will come to my eyes but I will keep ripping it back open. I know. Im disgusting. I just realized last night how much I started shaking and how frustrated I got that the last ones healed and were smooth and I didnt have anything to do with my hands. I try to explain to my psych what I do but when I start getting into detail she just stares at me and kinda nods her head a little and I feel really embarrassed and stupid and I feel like she doesnt fully understand my panicky agitation that sets in at certain times. She gave me 1 mg Klonipin pills and said they were addictive and to only take them when necessary. I can understand that I guess, I dont want an addiction but I dont feel a difference in my anxiety or crying spells. Sometimes I feel like the effexor works but I dont know. Anyway, does anyone understand what Im saying or am I just gross?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi...Your NOT gross or disgusting...I can kind of relate to what your going through...I\'ve never cut, but I do the same sh**with my emotional injuries...ripping away the flesh to the point of tears & screams...It a bit**...I want you to know that I think you think about finding someone to talk to that does something besides nod & give you Clonapin though...:)I also want you to know that even though your BEHAVIOR may be a little hard to swallow, YOU ARE NOT...You are someone that is special, & worthy of love...Please e-mail me @ michellegiese@sbcglobal.net if you feel like it...Let\'s talk...If you wanna...Im 38 with 3 kids...19-18-13...I would love to get to know ya better...Hope to hear from you soon...

Your New Friend-
Michelle Giese
deleted_user
deleted_user
hi, sandy. once again we have something in common. i always interfere with the healing of my wounds. i have a ton of them on my stomach right now where i scratched myself with my fingernails. i want them to heal before i go for my physical in april, but i can\'t stop picking them back open. it\'s always been that way. when the wounds do heal & i don\'t have anything to pick at anymore, i get anxious/freak out & hurt myself again. so, just know that you\'re not disgusting & you\'re not alone. feel free to write me anytime.
deleted_user
deleted_user
hi, sandy. once again we have something in common. i always interfere with the healing of my wounds. i have a ton of them on my stomach right now where i scratched myself with my fingernails. i want them to heal before i go for my physical in april, but i can\'t stop picking them back open. it\'s always been that way. when the wounds do heal & i don\'t have anything to pick at anymore, i get anxious/freak out & hurt myself again. so, just know that you\'re not disgusting & you\'re not alone. feel free to write me anytime.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i sit in class, and scratch at my wrists with my fingernails until they\'re raw and pink and very sensitive. then the next day i just pick the scab off. it hurts so bad but i get such a relief from it that the pain doesn\'t seem to matter anymore. it\'s like \"i have so many scars physically and emotionally already so why would one more make a difference?\" you\'re not alone, and you\'re not disgusting.
deleted_user
deleted_user
OMG, I just realized that I was doing exactly that as i was reading your post. Pretty crazy actually. I cut myslef over 60 times in the last 3 nites and have been putting lotion on for last 2 days. I itches, so I scratch, then it bleeds again, so no need for my knife. A REALLY BAD CYCLE!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah I posted something else in another discussion but I hit on that exactly. It\'s seems gross... but it works. You know the saying about Idyle hands... we take it to the extreme. I can\'t let anything heal. My husband trys to make me put antiseptic on it but I refuse... if it gets infected it\'s just more pain to endure. i\'m a bit of a pain junkie outside of this anyway so it doesn\'t bother me.
Everyonce in a while i\'ll look at my body in the mirror and be more disgusted than usual cause I have all of these open sores from picking all over my body. i look like a friggin meth addict sometimes but it\'s what i have to do to stay sain i suppose...
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