I was doing really well with subsiding my urge to cut. But lately I've thought about it and yesterday I did more then think about it. I don't know if it's b/c I feel (felt) claustrophobic or what. Anyways, I started again and OMG, it felt SO GOOD. I was in pain the next day but it feels SO good. And no, I don't wanna stop. God, what is wrong with me? Am I really that stupid? Like seriously, what is wrong with me? I hide it from work. That's the last thing I want but arggg... I get so frustrated and I get so mad at myself and the more mad I get at myself, the more I either do it or do it harder. It gets to the point where I don't even care. If I bleed all night, who cares. It's like no one understands and pft who cares. Ulg, I'm a disaster and beyond help I think. Some nights I just wanna cry and go to sleep n then other days, I just wanna cut and I feel SO much better. I'm losing it. I think. I don't know anything anymore. *sigh*
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