about relapse. where i would do it. with what. how i would cover it up how i would explain it. i feel like i'm suffocating. and i'm so scared to admit that i've been thinking about it again cos i'm afraid that i really need to go back to some facility. i'm really worried that i will actually really hurt myself. and the messed up part is that my life looks so perfect right now but i just hurt so bad. so much old stuff that i've never dealt with and that i dont know how to get past
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