OK.. So I'm 19 years old live on my own and I am a full time college student... Sounds like A normal person to you? Well I am FAR FAR FAR from normal. I have been through hell and back. My child hood was so messed up. My dad was never there I was sexually abused my sister killed herself, I was and well guess i still am a cutter. I have tried to kill myself multiple times!!! my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when i was ohhh about 15 or 16. I was in and out of hospitals and placements since i was 11. I have been on ever medication possible. I'm plane out crazy!!! everyone sayes that I'm doing so much better then when i was younger and i guess i am but they dont understand that I feel the same way. all my caseworkers and people are so proud of me and stuff but they dont see the pain that i face everyday. I want my mom back in my life and i want to be happy. When asked what would make me happy i had no response. I want to be loved and appreciated. I want them to see the pain before it goes to far!! They think that because im not in hospitals and they dont see marks on me that i'm just fine. Well im not. I'm depressed and sad. and thats just how its gonna be.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??