For about a year and a half I have fought the urge to cut. Lately I've been in so much pain. My heart can't take it anymore. Today I cut into my arm with a pocket knife, but it didn't do thing job it didn't hurt like I wanted it to. So I took a fork and shoved it in the same spot where I had cut and ripped the skin apart. I continued until my whole arm felt the aches. So much blood and still I feel like shit,just alittle more relaxed. I know I messed up. I know that this urge, this need to cut will be stronger that ever now and won't go away. I don't want my fiance to find out but like before I know I won't be able to hide it for to long and I don't want to lie to him. But I know he's not going to understand. Now what am I going to do. I lost the battle. If I try to get help from my therapist all they are going to do is try to put in the hospital and I don't want to go there again.
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