I am writting b/c i feel like shit right now. I just wanna curl up and die. i really have no idea wherre these feelings are coming from but II just feel awful. I was in the hospital sor five dsays. i got out last 9/9 and I have felt like garbage since then. They kicked me out of the hospital and said they couldn't help me. They said I had to get back to my l ife, but i wasn't ready to leave. I told them that but they didn't really seem to care. I was crying and they just said your leaving. It was awful. I have cut twice since I have been home. I guess thats too bad, but I wanna cut all the time. Every single day. I( wanna cut right now, but i can't b/c I am at my moms. Tomorrow I am supposed to go see my niece and nephew and I don't even really wanna go. I just wanna stay here and cut all day. Cut myself to a bloody pulp. I won't though b/c my mom will make me go see them, and I really do wanna. Its just so hard. Life is soo hard. I really do wish I was dead. Maybe I will kill myself tonight and then I won't have to worry about it anymore. Yeah thats it. i will take a bunch of pills whiole my parents are sleeping and then they will wake up and I will be dead. Sounds like a perfect plane. Doesn't it?? Maybe I will wash them down with some alcohol . Yeah that sounds even better. Definitly sounds like a plan. Life is is just soo hard. Too hard. I am too sick. I am beyonfd treatment. No one can help me. I am currently going to an oiutpatient program four days a week and it is just makeing feel worse from all the talking. Maybe i won't talk anymore. Ok this post is getting pointless. Plus I am just babbling I a SO this is goodbye to everyone. Thanks for everything you have all done to help me. I just can't take it anymore. Bye bye.
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