I don't think I can do it. I know it's best but I really do think I can go through with an abortion. I am so scared it's gonna kill me. Because I know how my mind works, I'll drive my mind insane with what if's but I know there is no where in hell I can bring a baby into this world right now, I'm clearly in no mental state but I can't afford it, my partner is a temp my office job pays crap not to mention the fact I'm signed off at the moment. I said to him that this was all my fault for not taking my pill but bless him he won't let me take the blame. I've cut once because of this, I've picked at them enough to reopen them again today and all I want to do is cut some more. I don't know what to do. I knw I can't give thi baby what it needs but I dont want to kill it. I dont think I can do this. I really don't. It almosdt feels selfish in both instances. Get rid because it doesn't fit my life plan and I cant afford it just yet, dont get rid of it because you know it's going to hurt you, if not kill you. I know what's right but I dont thin I can do it and I know there are people in my life that are going to hate me for it if they ever find out. I know my sister, who is currently going through IVF would hate me forever if she found out I aborted. I havnt told my mother yet. I told my best friend and she's being supportive but I can't help but think about the what if's...
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