the last time i felt an urge to hurt myself the way i want to now. it's been years since i quit cutting and these past few months, ive begun to feel so useless, worthless and helpless that all i can think about are the most morbid things. The other night i was crying so hard and had such an urge, i had to scratch myself to make it go away. I didn't break skin or anything, I just needed a sensation there....I just want so desperately to take my anti-depressants, as in the whole bottle. Maybe I'll die, maybe I'll end up in the ER and he'll realize what an idiot he's been all this time....or maybe I'd end up leaving my daughter behind with a terrible memory. She's my only reason for anything anymore. I'm just so scared that an urge this strong is resurfacing....I'm afraid its going to happen soon.......I don't know what else to do. I can feel the pressure, the pain, the hurt, all bubbling up to the surface and its all pent up there...i need to release it somehow...and soon. Or I will have a serious mental breakdown.
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