i had a patient in today who had od'd on some painkillers. she was fighting, screaming, talking nonsense. "you're hurting me, fuck, you bitches, you're so rude, just stop, stop, oh god, i gotta pee! i'm so horny, he's gonna fuck me again. DAD? MOM? fuck! i need the five, i need it, i gotta go to bed, fuck you, i need a five, i need sfdsglkeri sdfgnlt aeofgsdnk (all gibberish there, but she knew what the hell she was trying to tell us" it was really sad. took a few of us to hold her down and get restraints on her. she was screaming and crying, her boyfriend was crying. thats when i saw her scars and a couple fresh cuts. scars on her wrists, fresh ones on the inside of her legs "fuck!! you don't know, you bitch! get off me, stop it!!" i felt so bad. i just tried to soothe her. "shhhh... its okay, i know, just take a deep breath. you're in the hospital honey. i know, i know, just hold still for a minute, we'll be done so much quicker if you help out. i know, doll. shhhh... its fine, mom's right here with you. nobody's gonna hurt you. just try to relax... you're fine, we're okay..." i wish i could tell her i know exactly what she feels. it made me feel like such a hypocrite, tying this girl down when i've been there before.
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