i take pride in myself and not cutting anymore, i can fully accept that i was addicted but now when things are gettng tough i just bottle it up until i explode and cry so hard it feels like im causing myself more harm then i did when i cut, and then i miss it so much and i cry even more. sometimes i feel so pathetic because i feel like i ache for it, its like my comfort blanket that i locked up and can stare at but i cant touch it. you cant put a kid in a candy store with money and tell them not to buy anything! i just dont know what to do anymore. sometimes i can feel myself breaking and i have to force the smile on my face and lie to myself about being happy just so i dont loose it. i wish i didnt want to do it so badly sometimes. but no matter what in the end i feel like somehow im causing myself more harm then good in keeping myself from it.
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