i take pride in myself and not cutting anymore, i can fully accept that i was addicted but now when things are gettng tough i just bottle it up until i explode and cry so hard it feels like im causing myself more harm then i did when i cut, and then i miss it so much and i cry even more. sometimes i feel so pathetic because i feel like i ache for it, its like my comfort blanket that i locked up and can stare at but i cant touch it. you cant put a kid in a candy store with money and tell them not to buy anything! i just dont know what to do anymore. sometimes i can feel myself breaking and i have to force the smile on my face and lie to myself about being happy just so i dont loose it. i wish i didnt want to do it so badly sometimes. but no matter what in the end i feel like somehow im causing myself more harm then good in keeping myself from it.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
I have my maxed amount of epidural shots of my cervical DDD....(and no one cares about my lumbar DDD)..... I've done physical therapy, muscle relaxers, Amitriptyline, Nortryptiline, desipramine.....narcotics... So I decided to go to a spine specialist and they have me on Gabapentin. Its been two weeks and it did nothing for my lumbar ever... but it did seem to help my cervical and arm/hand pain...