Today I feel so horrible. I just want to cut so bad but I haven't. The urge is so great right now. Im so stressed out and noboday seems to want to listen to my problems. My own boyfriend rather not talk about my problems. So that makes me want to cut 10 times more. But I can't cuz he is around. I think I have tried everything today to get him to leave the house in order to "cut" but it hasn't worked. In a way Im greatful that he has mad me go everywhere with him but the other side of me just wishes he would leave me alone for 10 mins and I could do what I had to. Thats so horrible to say but its true. The bad part of this whole thing is that when I tell him I have done it he kinda turns him on?? I dont get it? I thought he was suppose to help me not incourage me to do it cuz he thinks it hot that I can take pain like that? I dont know I feel like my effort to stop isn't working cuz he is not really helping me but he is ignoring the problem.I wish I could open up and tell my mom but I just dont want to disappoint her. Im so lost today I just hope tomorrow is better.
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