Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
I have never self-injured myself intentionally in any form. However my girlfriend has and I came here to try and understand this and if there is anything I can do to help her. To my knowledge she has not done it since 7th grade, or for about two years.
One of the first things she told me about herself was that she did this in 7th grade because she couldn't take her mother. She and her mother do not have a great relationship. She is very apprehensive about her scars. She has one on her right hip and I didn't know about it so I asked about it one night and she got all quiet. Another day she told me that I knew what it was from and after a moment of silence she showed me several of her scars. She has several on her arms and that one on her hip. She said she has more. To my knowledge she hasn't done this in years.
However I am afraid she could revert back to this since sometimes things do get bad between her and her mother.
The psychology and this entire thing is new to me. I do not think of her any less. She actually does. She believes she was wrong for doing it and I would think hates herself for doing it.
I want to be able to help her if anything like this happens again and if there's anything that could be done to help her with what she has done.
One of the first things she told me about herself was that she did this in 7th grade because she couldn't take her mother. She and her mother do not have a great relationship. She is very apprehensive about her scars. She has one on her right hip and I didn't know about it so I asked about it one night and she got all quiet. Another day she told me that I knew what it was from and after a moment of silence she showed me several of her scars. She has several on her arms and that one on her hip. She said she has more. To my knowledge she hasn't done this in years.
However I am afraid she could revert back to this since sometimes things do get bad between her and her mother.
The psychology and this entire thing is new to me. I do not think of her any less. She actually does. She believes she was wrong for doing it and I would think hates herself for doing it.
I want to be able to help her if anything like this happens again and if there's anything that could be done to help her with what she has done.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
1- Don't demand answers to questions that involve cutting (self-injury or SI for short)... That pressure can make it worse
2- You don't need to ask to see the physical scars. After all, they're just visual representations of the inner pain. Look in her eyes with true compassion and you'll see all of it there.
3- don't break trust. the majority of us are afraid to offer personal info. and struggles for fear of abandonment.
4- sometimes it's best to just ignore the fact there are scars. -- so many of us just want to be "normal" and scar-free.
5- Be careful of triggers. Try to avoid being around sharp things and learn to see things like she does... Don't staple love letters (the staple can be used to SI)for example.
All in all, just care. Put in effort and listen all you can. If she is willing to talk to you, that is a BIG STEP. Your coming on here and asking is a HUGE thing! go to Bodies Under Seige website. They have some good information.
Again, thank you for caring about her. I wish her and you the best!
sunshine
I didn't ask to see her scars, she just started to show me them. I thought that the one on her hip may have been from a sports injury since she has one on her leg from a soccer accident. She willingly showed me them which I felt was a big step for her. I couldn't think of anything so I just hugged her and let our silence speak.
Knowing the reasoning behind that can tell you how to best help her. If she's showing them to you for help, try to notice if she's complaining about other things a lot (heachache, cramps, etc.) and then let her know you'll be there if she ever wants to get help.
If she shows them to you and that's all, it may be b/c she wants to know if she can ever be loved...
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just keep on loving her. I want you to know that I respect you a bunch...
sunshine
dont push to hard for answerslike sunshine said also the ignoring the scars,
but why she does/did it, self harm is mostly used as a coping mechanism as well as the admitidely strange behaviour this is, ive heard it releasese these endorphins(i dont know if i spelt that right)
and sometimes it starts as a coping mechanism then we start to actually enjoy the pain, or it becomes force of habbit, an addiction.
sorry i couldent tell you more, i havent been self harming long my self, but good luck with your girl friend.