My husband of almost 13 years just found out I cut again today. I started cutting years before I met him up till 2 or 3 years after we got married. I saw a psyciatrist he was right there beside me then, (went to appontments with me) but, the cutting started back again about 6 months ago. It has only happened 5-6 times one being last night. Just made two marks vs.the usual 15-20. I have already made an appontment with a psyciatrist on Friday because I realize I need help I have my girls to think about Ashley 7 and Jessica 4. But why can't he be alittle understanding every time I mention the cutting he starts yelling and his only reason is "you now I don't handle this well because he had one of his bestfriend in high school si" and he wonders why I can go to my best friend cereal before I go to him and he is always the last person to find out, but all that's going to happen is a big yelling fight will take place. Which only adds more stress to what I am going through. I felt so much better after I cut But now am in fear of my marige of 13 years going down the drain and losing my best friend cereal (who unlike him knows very little about cutting and is scared to death of loosing me) over the hole cutting thing I am trying to get the help I need but I feel it will come too late. So I am ready to cut again now wost than ever. For almost 3 weeks I barley sleep a few hours in the morning after we put Ashley on the bus and before Jessica gets up I only eat when I must (because of the meds I am on for diabeties bloodpreser and high colesterl) which is only 2-3 bites of somthing very bland so my head will stop fealing so dizzy. I have had a migrain for almost every day for 3 weeks now. Axziety over seeing a psyciatrist and posibley lossing my girls (below is a letter that I sent to my best friend today) what else can I do at this point I have tried everything it is not my fault that BCBS only has very few psy docs on the plan in our area and to get the closest appontment I had to wait a month. Please help what can I do to keep everything together and not cut till I can get the help I need?
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