ive cut myself for a long time, years, but i just thought it was a frustration thing, which it is dont get me wrong. but recently (like last week and this week) ive been cutting, really impulsively for no reason, im on a high and this shouldnt be happening. i feel like im losing control, so i cut myself to feel more in control, but then i feel even more crazy fo cutting myself, and, you get it, the cycle just continues.
i dont understand why im doing it when im on a high, my depression goes in little cycles of massive downs, and then normal periods (which seem like highs!) and i feel like im doing it more when im happier, am i trying to make myself feel worse, i know i havent got a lot of feelings self worth but i feel bad enough when im feeling down, do i really need to sabotage my highs?
i just feel a bit confused!