I am feeling so out of control right now. All I wanna do is cutr but I know if I cut then I would have to deal with a lot of undesirable consequences. I feel so down right now. I feel like soo many people would be better off if I wasn't on this planet. I feel like the only thing that will make me feel better right now is to cut. If I do I have to be sneaky about it, and I hate being sneaky, but I want the pain to go away. I feel like the cutting is starting to take over my life again and it scares me. I feel like I am on a runaway train going a hundre miles hour that I can't stop. I feel scared. I don't wanna end up in the hospital. I really don't and that is exactly where I will end up if I do. SOmebody please help. SOmebody please make the pain go away. SHoot me or something. I justy can't take the pain anymore. I really can't. Peole don't believe me when I say I wanna get better and maybe they are right. Maybe I don't b/c right now I am having such a one track mind thats its not even funny. ALl I can think about is that release, but I don't wanna give in. I am so scared and confused right now. I feel like I don't know which end is up and Idk if I can make healthy choices right now. ANyway I guess thats all for now. If you wanna know more details you can read my journal and that will give you more info and maybe fill in the wholes. I could really use some support right now b/c I feel like I am going off the deep end here. Thanks.
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