The school councelor made me give her my last cutting tool yesterday. I have to do daily check-ins with her during the week. What was I thinking in agreeing to that and promising her I would not buy anymore? God am I stupid. I am SO sad without it. I feel a huge whole in myself. It feels like I have lost my only friend. Which really I did. I can't stop crying because I miss it so much. How can I possibly get through this? I need a new cutting tool, but promised her I would not buy anymore. She put our relationship on the line. I care SO much about her and she has helped me SO much. She is the very first person in my life to care SO much about me. She has cared more about me than my mom. My mom always wished I was never born. I can't lose her, but yet I can't go without cutting....or at least having a cutting tool. Any suggestions on getting through this? My only question is that how could she make me give her my last one and promise her I would not buy anymore, especially on a Friday when she knows I usually cut on the weekend and especially with Sunday coming up. I know deep in my heart she is doing it for the right reasons, but I can't do this...I honestly can't.
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