Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
*I did post something VEEEEEERRRRY similar in depression as well but it's kinda relevant here and I didn't want to post about certain things there aswell when there is this community*
Ok so just to let you all know everything went fine at work, in fact they wouldn't even let me stay to clear the left overs on my desk from yesterday, so I was panicking over nothing. Which I tend to do alot anyway. Only thing is though, now that I'm home. I've got alot of time to reflect and think about things and I don't think it's helping...
I will go into detail, I'm sorry if this turns into an essay. LoL.
Reflection on my behaviour at the doctors. I booked this appointment on Monday for Wednesday, as my mother had advised me this was her half day and she was the one that suggested going to the docs, getting help etc etc and she would go with me. Monday night she tells me that she ednesday she is babysitting my nephew, I said fine but don't forget about the doctors, she said he'll come with us.I was like no way. During the last 10 weeks now, I have not asked my mother for ANYTHING. Ok except a couple of sleeping pills, but that isn't much now is it? She said ok, she would rearrange to have him dropped off later. Then comes Wednesday, I go straight to the GPs from work and she was going to meet me there. Guess who she shows up with.
I said don't bother coming in. Go back home I dont wanna know I'll do it on my own. She said don't be such a spoilt brat. I said I thought this ONE time I would have a right to say that's what I want, I thought this was going to be about getting me help. But instead she was just stressing me out even more. She called my boyfriend, I told him not to leave and for her to go, he wasn't going to leave me, she wasn't going so there we all were including my nephew sat in the waiting room. When I'm called I dont even bother arguing with her for to come in. When we get in there, I let her take the floor and speak to the doc. She's putting it down to hormones. AGAIN. She did say 'Yes she's depressed with everything that has gone on, but I think a big part of it is her hormones' I couldnt believe after the amount of times I have broken down in front of her now and explained that most nights I cry myself to sleep that she only ever sees the smiley happy me until it gets too much because I wanted everyone to think I was ok but Im not and Im sick of it. I don't wanna be like this anymore. I can't keep getting knocked down every ten minutes. Then the doctor asked me about meds I had had about 6 years ago, my mother had already explained that I tried to OD on them but still she asks, how were you on thoose? Whatever. I had to relive everything and for what, counselling which has never helped me, it didn't help me in school and most of the time just stressed me out worst and two weeks off work where Im begining to think I can't trust myself alone in the house. On my way home, I've spent money I dont have so that I can keep myself busy by making dinner and cakes. But panic is setting and fast...
I think Im scared that now I actually have alone time I maybeable to do somethings that I havnt been able to because someone has always been around me, although the worry of the aftermath would still be heavy on my mind now I may be able to do it because there is nothing to physically stop me form doing it.
Anyone else whose been signed off from work had this problem, well Im sure you have butr how did you deal with it?
Ok so just to let you all know everything went fine at work, in fact they wouldn't even let me stay to clear the left overs on my desk from yesterday, so I was panicking over nothing. Which I tend to do alot anyway. Only thing is though, now that I'm home. I've got alot of time to reflect and think about things and I don't think it's helping...
I will go into detail, I'm sorry if this turns into an essay. LoL.
Reflection on my behaviour at the doctors. I booked this appointment on Monday for Wednesday, as my mother had advised me this was her half day and she was the one that suggested going to the docs, getting help etc etc and she would go with me. Monday night she tells me that she ednesday she is babysitting my nephew, I said fine but don't forget about the doctors, she said he'll come with us.I was like no way. During the last 10 weeks now, I have not asked my mother for ANYTHING. Ok except a couple of sleeping pills, but that isn't much now is it? She said ok, she would rearrange to have him dropped off later. Then comes Wednesday, I go straight to the GPs from work and she was going to meet me there. Guess who she shows up with.
I said don't bother coming in. Go back home I dont wanna know I'll do it on my own. She said don't be such a spoilt brat. I said I thought this ONE time I would have a right to say that's what I want, I thought this was going to be about getting me help. But instead she was just stressing me out even more. She called my boyfriend, I told him not to leave and for her to go, he wasn't going to leave me, she wasn't going so there we all were including my nephew sat in the waiting room. When I'm called I dont even bother arguing with her for to come in. When we get in there, I let her take the floor and speak to the doc. She's putting it down to hormones. AGAIN. She did say 'Yes she's depressed with everything that has gone on, but I think a big part of it is her hormones' I couldnt believe after the amount of times I have broken down in front of her now and explained that most nights I cry myself to sleep that she only ever sees the smiley happy me until it gets too much because I wanted everyone to think I was ok but Im not and Im sick of it. I don't wanna be like this anymore. I can't keep getting knocked down every ten minutes. Then the doctor asked me about meds I had had about 6 years ago, my mother had already explained that I tried to OD on them but still she asks, how were you on thoose? Whatever. I had to relive everything and for what, counselling which has never helped me, it didn't help me in school and most of the time just stressed me out worst and two weeks off work where Im begining to think I can't trust myself alone in the house. On my way home, I've spent money I dont have so that I can keep myself busy by making dinner and cakes. But panic is setting and fast...
I think Im scared that now I actually have alone time I maybeable to do somethings that I havnt been able to because someone has always been around me, although the worry of the aftermath would still be heavy on my mind now I may be able to do it because there is nothing to physically stop me form doing it.
Anyone else whose been signed off from work had this problem, well Im sure you have butr how did you deal with it?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Yep yep my last job i had they gave me as long as i needed to get better... In the end i got a new job... I workin at a day care n i love it... Ya should go to da doc by yaself so you tell him the truth about how you feelin!!! It is very very hard to get through, but you will.. I find that writin helps me(once i start i cant stop) n music is a good thing mosta the time...