Dangerous Affair

Im tired of these unwanted thoughts,
Im tired of these painful nights.
I close my eyes,
hoping that when I wake
theres the peace Ive sought.

The never ending nightmare
that keeps me from a life,
a life worth living.
inside I use the twilight,
to entertain my thoughts of despair.

I search the confines of my mind,
hoping for an answer,
hoping for a reason why,
but I just find more questions
that inevitably leave me more blind.

So now I take this pain,
and let it slip further-
away from my destructive mouth,
down to the heart, down to the soul
and this happiness I again begin to feign.

Though my heart will tear,
and many a tear will want to fall,
somehow I stand myself up
and put a smile on throughout the days:
the beginnings of a dangerous affair.

Now remains hidden, all my tears,
so that I may rise each morning
living inside my faade,
living inside this broken dream-
haunted by all my fears.

This affair of life and death
leaves me alone and afraid,
each step leads me toward despair and hope,
toward the light and the dark,
to the decision of one last breath.

This affair will be the death of me,
whether my death be slow or fast;
painful or painless; with crystal tears or crimson red.
but all for what?

Because I couldnt stand to be me.