I have been told over and over again that I have gone through too much for someone my age. Sorry. Its not like I can change that! If I have, then how come more crap just keeps coming my way?! I just want to end this misery. Can I please? I want to become deaf for awhile.. all the vile words and slaps and varities of noise thrown into my world would be drowned out. Not even music is able to sufficate the overwhelming screaming I hear inside my head at this point. I dream of ways to kill myself--drowning in a bathtub, taking pills one by one every half an hour or so, slitting my wrists and drinking the blood as I die.. oh the ways.. I am tired of my misery. I am tired of fighting to get out of dv situations just to get myself into similar situations and wanting to die. I am tired of wanting to die. I am tired of wanting to run a blade against my skin but being too chickenshit too. I am tired of longing to run it against my skin, because I can't take my anger out on others.. I won't be like my father. I WON'T! I AM UPSET RIGHT NOW AND RIGHT NOW NOTHING SOUNDS BETTER THAN DYING.. I hate this..
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