Ahh Just when i think things cant get worse they do.I have this friend supposed to be my bestfriend..She knows everything about me my life and the cutting..when i first told her she betrayed my trust and showed a private letter i wrote to ONLY her about my cutting to one of her friends.I was so hurt.But she apologized to me and swore this person wouldnt tell a soul.Well then they told her oh you better not go near her she may flip out and cut you :|.I forgave her for that it was hard but i did..Then a few months pass she gets a new gf.Gradually she isnt allowed to talk to me or her gf pouts and sleeps on the couch.So she started shutting me out and pulled away from me.I was going to just say screw it and was gonna just not talk to her.I sent her one last email too tell her i didnt wanna cause problems for her with her gf..and she knew where i was if she needed me..had alot of other private stuff in there too..BUT she messages me lastnite says nice letter..her gf tries to add me to msn..I asked why would she need to do that she goes she wants to know why your talkin smack about her.I said how would she know what i say about her ..SHe goes well I let her read your email.So i said to her yup im supposed to trust you but you show everything all my thoughts that are private to your gf.It takes alot for me too tell ppl about the cutting in the first place.She comes to me when she has a fight with her gf bad mouths her ..they kiss make up then she starts defending her and tries to turn everything around on me.I have been there when she needs me.its all one sided lately.I cant go to her about anything cuz she acts like she doesnt care only when she is upset does she really talk to me now.Am I just stupid for forgiving her.She shows texts,emails nothing is private yet she is supposed to be my bestfriend.I havent said a word to her since lastnite.I cut lastnite i actually have this persons name carved in my thigh because of the first time she betrayed me.sorta of reminder of who caused me pain.I dont know why i forgave her im so Pissed off and hurt mad at myself.She gives me guilt trips if i dont talk to her then she says everyone ditches her,has even threatend suicide thats why i have stayed around for so long because i do care about people and realize there not perfect but i dont know how much more i can take.I feel I can never trust her..there was even one time i was texting her and her gf answered me not her..about a personal matter i couldnt figure out why she would have such a distant attitude with me then she says oh she answered you not me.It sometimes feels like i dont have a heart left people just keep smashing it im so fed up!!!!!
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