I've had some really bad days recently with the self harm and it has been gettin worse. My worst day was Thursday when i could hardly control it. My version of self harm is head slapping, hitting myself and hitting my head on any surface i can find thats hard. On thursday i got really frustrated because i couldn't find something, i got the feelings and tried as hard as i could to push them away, then i just couldn't do it anymore and started hittin myself, when that didn't do anything i started slapping my head really hard and that didn't do anything i started hitting my head on the floor. My partner shouted at me and i really tried to get back under control and put all my effort and i stopped, then just sat there almost hyperventilating, really trying to push the feelings away, then the pain to my head came and the feelins went into just pain.

Does anyone else do this sort of thing, cos i really am starting to think i'm a freak or something. I have some very understanding friends at work who when i went to work i talked to. I work with children with severe Autism and they display similar behaviours, which is why my friends are so understanding and is why i am so good at my job cos i know what it's like.

I am getting no help at present. I have just started visiting our local MIND centre and joining in some activities, but this is early days, I also start counselling on 20th December, but just feel i can't go one like this, i need to learn to control it better. I am afraid of it going into work if i can't control it at home, though i think it would take a lot for it to go to work, as i will not normally harm myself in front of others, only my partner has seen it.

If anyone in the uk has any good support groups they could recomend i would be most grateful