I used to cut when I felt out of control...now i realise that when I have urges to cut, I usually feel angry. BPD always cut...and i am a BPD. I don't do it for the sake of blood or pain but to relieve...the "thing" that stuck inside,...deep down. Now i can "sort-of" control not to cut...when I think of and remember that verse in the Bible. Our bodies are the holy temple of God (something like that)? We have no way to ruin the body God has given us. So, I control myself...it is hard sometimes but I once cried,"God, help me!!!" and the urge stopped instantly. I also promised my shrink that I tried not to cut...and I don't wanna break the promise. So, the bad habit dies down. Hope it never comes back to me. Don't let urges to cut become a ritual (something you HAVE to do). Otherwise it is hard to cut down or stop.

*hugs* not triggering to me but you warned people so no need to be sorry... sorry about the relapse! I SI because of both, so I know what you talking about with the blood... SI makes all my emotions go away and replaces them with a little high/ sense of 'peace'... I say 'peace' because it isn't really peace its just... I don't know... not feeling anything bad

just wanted to add- I'm here if you ever need to talk!

i haven't SI'd in a lonmg time, but I used to do it every day. I would do it as a release, but one thing I learned when I stopped, which was a long process of relapses and will power, I learned that SIing IS NOT a release. When you SI you'll ALWAYS have that reminder of what made you do it. If anything, it's like holding on. As for wheather I did it for the blood or the pain, it was both. I got out of it by the grace of God...literally. I had been stuggeling everyday for years not to do, and every now and then when things would be bad I would, and I would feel horrible, stop for a while......repete. Then I got a job at a bible camp over the summer as a lifegurad and on the last week of work there was this new church there and the asked if anyone need prayer for healing. I didnt say anything, but as time went on I started crying, and I was begging God to take it all away. A lady that I didnt even know came up to me and put her hand on my sholders and started praying for me.....she was asking God to take it away, and she knew what it was. it was amazing! sometimes tho....I'll be looking at my scars, and boefore, I would want to do it....now it's kind of like I defeated it. So...idk...all I know is that I was in and out of counseling and treatment to try to stop and although it helped, I think there's something that can take it all away. Literally. I hope you get to experience that.