When I was in the hospital my tdoc and I came to the conclusion that my anger turned inward resulted in cutting whereas my anger turned outward resulted in me taking it out on everyone else. Now I have not been a particularly violent person in the past...while yes, I have had my moments....but now I don't feel like cutting....I am so anxious right now and I want to get it out of me...normally I would want to cut, but now I just want to fight...I mean let it all out, hold nothing back, anything goes, violent as hell fighting...and I don't even have a particular person I want to fight with....I JUST WANT TO FIGHT, DAMMIT! I want to hurt someone but more importantly I want them to hurt me...I guess thats making them injure me....I dunno....maybe that's kinda fucked up, but this sort of feeling has been growing inside of me for a while....and I know this is wrong, but at least when I was back home, I would be able to get the dog to rip into me up to a point (he never got hurt, but my arms would get covered it bite marks)...Anyway, thanks for listening.....anyone ever feel the same?
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