Have already stared to self harm after just under 2 yeers of abstinence.. also relapse on the booze and sex.. relationship ended.. feel like im on self destructive mode.. have not drank again but still hurting myself... my feelings are non exsistant.. feel like i am doin it to somehow to feel human.. basically because i feel like a cold callous predator who is devoid of emotions.. feel empty,,,Like a void floating in nothingness... self punishment feels familar again.. i disgust myself..I was lying to myself in my relationship.. pretending to be happy.. i felt like a stepford wife..I was engaged to be married and thought i was in love... driveeen by all of my base drives i enveloped myself in a illusion.. It came to a head and i exploded..My poor ex is heartbroken and i feel NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!This is the reality i have created.. now i cannot self harming and its getting worse...what to do?
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