I am really struggling right now. I am having serious urges to cut and its getting harder and harder to ignore them. I wanna cut really bad and i wanna cut deep. Everytime I go home all I wanna do is cut. its very scarey. I don't even feel safe in my own house anymore. SIGH!!! I have had a few thoughts of not wanting to be on this planet anymore, but mostly i wanna cut. I was a crying, sobbing mess a few mintes a go and I am stil crying a little bit. I have had some thoughts of going to the hospital but i am going to stay at my moms tonight and see how i feel tomorrow. If I still feel this anxious, depressed and if I still have urges like this I will probably go to the hospital, but for tonight i am safe at my moms. I wanna go home but it would not be a good idea. I would cut if I did that and then the choice of going to the hospital would be taken away from me and it would be a decision that was made fofr me which is not what I want. I really don't know what to do. I mean I feel awful but I am trying to get through this w/o going to the hospital but its getting really hard. The first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning and the last thing I was thinking about before going to bed was cutting. I know thsn't a good sign. Nobody wants me to go to the hospital. Everyone says use your coping skills. I know you can use them and get through this. Its nice that they have faith in me but I am really struggling here. I know it doesn't matter what other people say but I tend to listen to them and they think i can do this then I must be able to. Idk. They asked me if I needed to go to the hospital and i said idk. I guess that was my opportunity to say so if I really wanted or felt like I needed to go, Oh well. I just want all this bulllshit to go away and for my life to get back to normal whatever that is. I want the urges to subside and I want the anxiety to subside. My Pdoc just increased one of my anti anxiety meds and its not helping. I want it to help. I want it to help with the anxiety but its not. Oh well. I just wish that I felt better and that I wans't stuck in this self destructive cycle. AHHH!! Help. I need help. I am so scared that I am going to do some real damage to myself but i don't wanna go to the hospital tomorrow and sit there for a holiday weekend w/o even seeing my Dr. Yeah I see the guy whose working that weekend but it may not be my Dr. Oh well. If thats what I have to do then that what I have to do. Maybe I will tell my mom i am going to be safe and then go home and cut. I really need to. Its been since Monday. Ok thats enough rambling for now. Any support/advice/input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Posts You May Be Interested In
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...
So my daughter, who will be 30 in a few months, says she thinks she has varicose veins, as she can't figure out what else it could be. Only in one leg, and is so bad it is hard to sleep at night. She is in excellent shape, really exercises a lot, and eats well... not at all overweight. Anyone else have any issues with this? I did find that it can go with PKD. She was reading that there are...