take my heart. i dont want it. i dont need it. for in it holds too much pain inside. everyday i wake up hoping to die. get cancer(i know that sounds awful) but at least then id have an excuse to die. i wouldnt have to suffer in silenece each day the way i am now. i wouldnt have to cut or starve or binge or purge-i would feel nothing. nothing at all. how i dream to be free and not have to survive. i can breathe and just live life in the clouds. but its not that easy, nothing ever is and ever will be. so why try to fight the demons i hold inside? theres no use, i cant fight this anymore. my mom is going to be taking custody-full custody of me monday. and everything will be hell again. the screaming the crying the cleaning supplies....my nightmere is coming alive. im getting past my dad's abuse thoughh i still feel dirty and gross. he really hurt me and some days i can still feel him inside of me. stephanie hates me-she wishes id just go ahead and die. i never get to see ali, she use to hold me and sing me to sleep at night as i cried all the way through. with out her im nothing. nothing at all. im my own person yes, but she is the only one besides me who speaks the truth about the abuse. it happened and it was very real. there's no way of denying it. though my mom tries to she cant hide the scars that remain both inside and out. i just want to crawl in a hole and die die die. i really want to cut right now and its hard, very hard to resist. i purged until my knees gave out last night. i want to be thin and apparently so does everyone else. i cant do this anymore. im sorry.i cant fight it anymore.
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