Ok, so all I want to do is cut my arms. I haven't cut since the beginning of March. It seems like it's been an eternity. Everyday I've thought about how wonderful it would feel to just be able to cut. However, I've been seriously dating this guy for almost four months. I love him very much and he highly disapproves of my cutting, which is perfectly understandable. I'm fairly certain he would leave me if he found out I was cutting again. He's had to deal with suicide and mental health stuff before and apparently he can't deal with that type of pain anymore. I get that. However, since being in a relationship, I've been forced to feel things. I hate it. Before I could not cut because I didn't really feel anything. I only cut if I got super upset. Now, I'm adjusting to being in a relationship and working on trusting another human being, which is really, really difficult for me to do. So, instead of cutting, I've begun to drink heavily (again). He's currently out of town, and I've been spending a lot of time alone because a lot of my relationships have changed (not because of my relationship...friends having babies, me moving, etc.). So here I am, drinking...alone...in my bedroom. I'm almost starting to get angry because I know I'd feel better if I could just cut my arm, but I don't want to anger my boyfriend. It's a tough situation because I know the cutting is bad for me, so it's a good thing that I haven't been doing it, but I don't want to live the rest of my life with this desire to mutilate my arm. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation???
Posts You May Be Interested In