I want to hurt someone, so I guess it has to be me. I hate myself so much right now. Im not quite sure which community to post this in coz I dont know which one it fits with, but I am schizophrenic, and the voices and the man are telling me to kill someone. Only, Im not that type of person. I love people and could never intentionally hurt anyone (except maybe my abuser - Ha - that'll be the day) No really, I am left with hurting myself. Im a regular (like, up to but not always 2 or 3 times a day SI) but I really really want to stop. I havent hurt myself for a week, and I am proud of mysdelf for doing that, but I cant get rid of the urge, compulsion, whatever it is thats driving it. It isnt going away no matter what I do. I have to do something. Any ideas? ITs so strong, and I havent lasted a week in over 7 years, so I am really really desperate to not SI, I just dont know what I can do. I have a rubber band, but I have bruised myself on both wrists with it and Ive spent an hour and a half hand writing in my diary, just dribbling shit to try and get it out, but I cant. Please help.
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