As I was scanning the support groups, I came across this one. I wish I had known about it sooner. This is exactly the type of group I've been looking for. I sometimes scare myself because of the awful feelings that I get regarding who I am. I know all of the things I think of myself can't be true, but when I have these awful lonely sad unworthy feelings, they seem so true. Just yesterday, I was thinking, maybe I shouldn't go to my granddaughter's graduation. I think that my daughter doesn't want me to be close to her children. It hurts me so inside that I start thinking that maybe she's right. Maybe I am a bad grandmother, and the children would be better off without me. I sometimes want to strike back, but I'm afraid the situation may get worse. Then it would truly be my fault. Does anyone else feel this way about yourself? I try so hard to be a better person, but I think I may take things too far. I'm really exhausted trying to please others. My husband had a birthday the other day. He received several cards. I hardly get any. I know this is all my fault, but I just can't figure out what I'm doing so wrong. I don't work either. I feel like a complete failure. My friends all thought I would amount to something. I try to keep telling myself that I can't be all bad. I'm sure I've done something right in life. My husband thinks I'm a failure also. He's always telling me how much money his friends wives are making and what type of jobs they have. I know he wishes he could brag about me. I'm not sure what to do or where to go from here. I sometimes want to take a train and just ride away into the blue. The problem with that is--I'd still have to live my life, and I so far, I haven't make good choices. How do we all stop having these awful self loathing feelings. I'm sure we must be worthy of something.
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