so melissa and i went to walmart today. it was awful! i should have known it would be a disaster when i saw there were so many people but we went in anyway. at one point i got seperated from melissa and trapped in an aisle along the frozen foods and i saw myself attacking some little lady and breaking the glass doors with her head and back. so much blood. i don't want to have these thoughts/visions but they are so hard to fight. everything inside of me tells me to do it. it's killing me. and now i'm trying to stop drinking... one of the only things that relax me. maybe thats why walmart got to me so bad, but it's probably the fact that my dr took me off the geodon. i have a bunch here so i'm putting myself back on them and will call him monday about it. i don't want to go back into the hospital, i can't afford it. to be out of work and the bills.
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