Hello all of my friends at DS. I just needed to talk to someone. It's been a really rough few weeks with both my RA & my Relapasing Polychondritis(RPC)I found out I can no longer have remicade because of the chemo drug I take for the RPC there is a chance of a rare liver cancer. My predisone is at 80 mg a day making sleep impossible & the RPC makes breathing so difficult there is not much I can do without getting out of breath or my heart racing out of control. I was told back in Nov. my RPC is going to cause my death. Some people with the windpipe involvement last months some a year. Truthfully I am ready to go. I often wonder we don't make animals suffer in so much pain so why when we know we are terminal do we have to suffer. I am so at peace with where I am going. I know others say this is giving up, but when every breath feels like your last & you've gone through 3 rounds of chemo in 10 months & every joint in your body hurts so much all you want to do is cry. HOW IS THAT WANTING TO GIVE UP?? I feel like I have given it my all tried every treatment but I am ready to go. I am really considering stopping all predisone & chemo which I know will cause my breathing to eventually stop, most likely slowly & painfully but God knows I know pain. I am not sure what sort of advice I am looking for maybe just some understanding.
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