Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
I FREAK HATE THAT I LIVE EVERYDAY WITH THIS MEMORY AND THE NIGHTMARES THAT PLAY WITH YOUR HEAD AND YOUR EMOTION...I CAN NOT TAKE IT ANY MORE WITH THIS....I BLAME MYSELF FOR BE RAPE AND I KEEP THINK IF I COULD OF DONE SOMETHING THIS WILL NEVER OF HAPPEN TO ME....WELL I TRY EVERYTHING I COULD TO FIGHT BACK BUT HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO FIGHT BACK TWO BOYS....SORRY THIS IS THE BEST I COULD DO RIGHT NOW.......
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
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Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...
I'm asking a serious question, not being glib. Those are extremely different beliefs, yet you hold them simultaneously. Which do you think represents the most accurate reality of the event you experienced?
What is the real truth about the rape at the time that it happenned?
1) I blame myself.
2) I tried everything I could to fight back.
I say #2.
Who should really be to blame?
Most of us blamed ourselves for one reason or another, and will continue to do so until we force ourselves to take a good hard look at why we've believed that. In your post you share two completely opposing beliefs (which has already been pointed out.) Only one of those beliefs can be true. They're to blame. They alone bear the guilt. Once you wrap your head and heart around that, you're going to find some freedom. Some major freedom!
This is hard work, and I'm excited for you that you chose to join us in it!
The key to that sentence is one tiny word, 'if'. You are so very right! IF you could have, you would have. The converse to this is an entirely different sentence, and it tells the truth as well. If you rewrite the sentence in the converse format, it would read: "This happened to me because I could do nothing to stop it."
Do you see the truth here in your words? The rapist took away your control of the situation. You state here you did not want it to happen. You tried to stop it. It happened anyway. There is no room for acceptance of blame in these words. None. You did all you could do to stop it. It takes time to get the message into your mind and heart that it isn't your fault. We all had reasoned our rapes as our fault in some way, but, we were wrong. Until I was able to admit I didn't cause my own rape, I had nightmares and flashbacks too. They have all but gone away as I have learned how to place blame where it belongs, with the rapists. I hope you will soon see, no matter who told you otherwise, you did not cause the rape, you simply do not have that kind of power over another human soul.
I am glad you found this site. There are a lot of people here who want to help you. You have to want to help yourself, too, though. And you should! You deserve it! You deserve to heal and be happy. You deserve to know how strong you are! You deserve to put the blame in the the right hands... NOT YOUR OWN... You deserve to have peace, and I know you will. Best of luck to you. Remember to breathe. We are here for you... And you are loved.