Tiredtoo

Firstly, there is never a need to apologise for making post here to your tribe. And well done for making this post *hug*

Goal #2 - I think you know that you are allowed to post feelings that are not fluffy little bunnies here. Maybe tonight was too early to start the exercise??

I know that feeling of exhaustion so well. Take a break hun. I know you probably just want t get this homework out of the way and not think about it for the rest of the week but you do also deserve some chill out time after your session. Read a book, draw, play on your phone..some like that also accomplishes goal 1 but doesn't involve overwhelm you.

Yeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh, I've been fishing long enough to know that this homework isn't going to cut it, lol.

First of all, because your thoughts are "not very positive" does not mean they are not welcome here. "No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts" means that you shouldn't say, "F this, I'm going to kill myself if things don't get better," or actively engage someone in damaging or triggering confrontations. So, no messaging me about how my trauma isn't worth me talking about. Since I'm PRETTY sure neither of those things are in your brain, feel free to have one of those "not my best days" kinda days.

Goal one: You got it covered.

Goal two: Spill it.

Goal three: Why do you feel exhausted? Are you not sleeping? Are you overwhelmed? Why do you feel stupid? Is there something nagging at you, or do you not like this assignment? I get the not wanting to think about it all the time. I got your back there.

Goal four: How are you going to keep busy? What are your plans? Has your plan of telling yourself that worked in the past??

If all this is too "fishy" for you, my apologies. I'll duck when appropriate, but look at it this way. I'm saving you money when you return next week and she spends 20 minutes telling you to do it again. You can just do this, get it over with and see where it takes ya.

And if it's good enough for you, and you want to send me packing, that's okay too. Just thought I'd put it out there :D

And I think Hep is right, I missed your time frame on doing this. Maybe take a day or so to chill if you're still in a fog.

Oh,and if this is really the best you can do right now, it will cut it just fine. I don't mean to be judgmental. Just trying to help :)

Yea I agree with Hept and Scuba. Those goals are pretty vague. Should we help you come up with some new ones that will knock Fish's socks off at your next session? Oh yea and Scuba is doing you a huge favor by role playing a fish. Don't mind her she's just practicing ;)

*ducks*

Youre ducking is appropriate

Yes, Scoobs wins honorary fish status for today!!!!!!
Your goals are vague, but actually may be helpful. When I started fishing, I think I was living hour by hour - it felt like that even if it wasn't the reality to everyone else on the outside. I found different ways to keep busy in different situations. Work was good, but when i was at home, even with the busy-ness of the children, I found I had to keep a crossword or sudoko on the go the whole time (even while I was cooking). I just need to keep my brain busy, but I also found that exercise was good, so I went to the gym, which was helpful for me. Maybe you need to think of different ways to keep busy at different times and have a list handy so when you are struggling/ panicking/ flashbacking you can look on the list. Just a thought..

"Scoobs"?

Oh, that is SO going to stand the test of time.

Damn it Brit!!!! See what you've done?? Matt doesn't forget ANYTHING.

Sigh.

As long as I get scooby snacks, I can live with it.

:) LOL

Thanks for the replies and I don't mind the fish questions......it's easier to answer them here where I have the power of the delete and backspace buttons to edit the things that make me uncomfortable (I need those in my appts).

Spill it ,huh? Here goes:


Goal 2: I'm thinking that this is way beyond me some days. That just when I think I've made some headway reality strikes. That I'm never going to be able to beat this..... and I know that way of thinking is self-defeating but.......

Goal3: I HATE this................................. I'm feeling stupid because I dissociated in front of a parent this morning. Big. Time. I went to have a conference about her son and she broke down sobbing. I touched her shoulder to comfort her and the feel of her coat with the sound of her sobs........ I was completely gone....I have no idea what I said to her ......

I'm not sleeping...just like everyone else here, I've got a bit of stress happening in my life right now that needs extra attention....sometimes it needs attention at 2am.....and 3am....and 4am...

And my caring, wonderful,patient, but friggin' nosy fish would ask, what stresses?

*Whining warning*
*My Dad needs open heart surgery, this following a major stroke in the fall. The chances that he'll survive the surgery are less than 40%
* My son-in law suffers from SAD. My daughter called after a particularly bad day and asked me for help. I had to go and remove the firearms from their home over the weekend so he wouldn't harm himself, my daughter, or my grandsons.
*My husband is under fire at his job----might not survive it
*My daughter has a learning disability and is failing all of her classes. Kind of hard to accept as both my husband and I are teachers--- she's a teenager and won't accept our help--so much for my mother-of-the-year award,huh?*

anyway...enough for now...sorry this was so long........thanks

Not too long at all, and all those "whiny" stressors are VERY real, appropriate things to stress over. I know of at least 3 regular participators here who have children with learning disabilities, and we know that it can take it's toll on you even if that is the ONLY stressor in your life. Having to intervene on your daughters behalf for what is truly a crisis situation doesn't help with all this, as well as your fathers health issues. Hon... you got it rough right now. Cut yourself some slack. No wonder you're feeling a bit out of sorts!! OH! And add lack of sleep. What a combo.

Goal 2: Well, I think sometimes it IS beyond us. That's why there's PTSD. That's why there are fish. None of this is easy even with professional help and sometimes our bodies are working in the opposite way we need it to. Sometimes, it takes us away. But we always come back, and that's what's important to remember and why we keep at it. I know it's hard in the moment. Believe me, just yesterday I had a full panic attack and I haven't had one in a long time. Scared the bujeezus out of me. It got beyond me, and I came back. At that time, I forgot that though. Today, I remember :)

Goal 3: I understand the feeling stupid too. How come normal interaction for some is so hard for us? We feel stupid sometimes cause we are afraid others wont and don't understand. They sometimes won't... and don't. It's our reality. But we work hard, and we a) learn how to control a lot of these reactions and b) learn that when we can't we're not bad, stupid, evil people who just aren't trying enough. Hey... shit happens. Only those who are perfect can look down on others. I've yet to meet one. But I get it. I do....

So thanks for spilling it for us :) I really think you need to cut yourself a break though. You have A LOT going on and you might want to call in reinforcements. It's a lot for anyone. Even someone who feels like they can handle everything.

Big hugs!!!! Sleep tight :)

I probably should have differentiated between daughters in my previous post. I have 4 of them. The one who's husband is struggling is my oldest. The youngest is 14 and she is the one struggling in school.

Scuba.....thank you........now I know why my fish wanted this as a post ........

I've got a couple of "fishy" type questions for you all, if you don't mind........

First: I was out of it yesterday ---it felt as if the the whole session took place in a fog bank. It happens in her office relatively often, though not as bad as yesterday. I guess my question is: why there? If you are actively working on it wouldn't it make sense that hyper vigilance would kick in and make me more alert instead of zoned out?????

Second: Her questions yesterday were really random and out of the blue yesterday. Part of me wants to believe she was trying to see if there was anything I could or would talk about but the more negative part of me wonders if she was just bored or frustrated or??????

I experience the fog bank thing. I dissociate a LOT during therapy, drifting off into Lala Land, and I really have to fight it at times. Sometimes I just give in because it feels so peaceful, but then my fish insists on intruding on my quiet interlude and bringing me back to the painful reality of our session. The meanie!

Other times I am more hyper-vigilant. Not sure why one time I'm one way, then I'm another...

Not sure if this helps.

Fishies ask WEIRD questions. It's their way. I think they are taught that in Fish School as a way of keeping us off balance or something. Probably not, but my fish has asked some things that seemed to come from left field and made me go, "Huh?"

You really are getting piled on by a lot of stressful stuff. Sending hugs your way!

There are times when I left a session and a few hours later something she said would kick in and I'd be thinking WTF? The fog you described was a perfect description of those sessions. I think we close down if it's overwhelming and its quite possible she sensed that you were in a 'fog', closing down so she tried questions that wouldn't be so difficult to respond to. Come to think of it alot of my sessions were just 'random questions', but for some reason I give your and my fish credit, they only SOUND random, but there probably was a reason for them . Turn the tables next time if you really want to know...when she asks random questions ask her "Are you bored and just making stuff up now". Take it from me, the quickest way to bring a session to a new level is to answer their questions with a question . (But use it sparingly, they catch on pretty quick)

Scuba is right, HOLY jeez you got lots going on right now. In all your roles as a parent , a child, and wife. I just felt the pull reading everything you have going on, can't imagine what it feels like in real time. Let me just say one thing about your teenage daughter ..."I'm sorry'. They are tough even on their very best day and I'll be holding out hope that you all can figure out what is going on with her. (I have a teenage girl with a schooling issue to so I feel your pain on that one...love em, love em, love em...that's all that we can really do ) Your kids, your dad, your husband need you and YOU need you. Maybe focusing on all that right now and having her help with that stuff might be a good place to go for a while. Hard to focus on this stuff when so much present day stuff is falling apart.

I too am sending Hugs your way....and if you want to talk about some of those other things on here, go right ahead, there are plenty of us with all different experiences that you might be able to find someone that can help in another area of your life that needs it. (For instance , there is a person who does accupuncture on this board and I had just been recommended that..so I took the liberty of asking her questions about that....there is alot more to us than just rape recovery, we are a very well rounded group :)

Thank you for the hugs.... and the advice.

Can I share one more thing that I'm struggling with........today is my helliversary........ You don't need to respond....I just needed to tell someone.