I am getting so angry for what my abusers did to me and I want to take back my life I WANT IT BACK. They took my childhood and my adulthood and didn't ask me if that is what I wanted. I was just a child I did nothing to deserve this nothing and now my heart breaks. I spent my whole life blaming the child me for this crap and its not her fault. I look at my son and the children I work with and I now realize I would never ever blame them for the abuse ever how can they be responsible for that cause they are not the abuser is. Its not my shame to keep it belongs to them. Now the stuff that continued to happen through my adulthood will take some time to not blame me. But the crap that happened as a child is not my fault. I did nothing to get the pain I got. I did everything I was told to do. I was seen and not heard at family get togethers, I cleaned the house as I was told, I played house or something bad would happen, I held my mom when she was beat up, I cleaned her injuries, i held my baby brother when my dad would beat the crap out of her. I am so angry right now it is not fair I deserved to have a childhood like my son is having like the children in my care are having. I deserved someone to care for me too damn it. I tried to be everything for them but you know what it is about damn time i am everything for me. I just had to get that off my chest.
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