I have no idea, no clue about anything any more. Have not dated since he passed, have not been the real "me" since he left me with no explanation. We've been broken up for 4yrs and he's been dead for 1yr. Was the most miserable time of my life being with him, unhealthy relationship from start to end, consumed every part of me and the life I had before him. I lost who I was and I just want me back. Can't even talk to another man without thinking of him. After we broke up he continued to live his life by having 2 children with the girl he left me for when he got us both pregnant and chose her. He chose living homeless, being arrested, doing drugs over everything I had already given him. Everyone said he would destroy me, friends said he would hurt me every way possible. I defended him, I drove countless hrs and spent countless money to prove he could count on me and I would not leave him like everyone else did in his life. I turned my entire world upside down to prove I was different and the whole time he knew exactly what he was doing and so did everyone else, I seemed to have been the only one clueless. I gave him all the power when we were together, I handed over all independence I had to make him happy and make him stay. I smiled for him and cried for myself because I knew I was loosing a fight that he had already won the night we met. I am letting a man control me from his grave. When did I become this person? When did I become a stranger to me and a stranger to everyone in my life?
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