The hardest part right now (3 mos after affair) is the insecurity and untrust. I am afraid every time he leaves the house... every time I hear him pushing buttons on his phone (texting???) typing on his computer... In 2 months it'll be our 27th marriage anniversary! The one thing we always had (until the 1st time he cheated) was trust. He could go anywhere and I would have complete faith in him. We were a good couple.. people came to us for marriage advice. Will I ever trust again? It eats me alive! I did have a brief time when I stopped worrying and stopped snooping and I felt better. I felt good. Now I'm checking his history on his comp. even tho I know he uses in private browsing. He just seems so sneaky all the time. When I come upstairs he immediately gets off the comp. (not every time but often)... If I come up he goes down.. If I am down he comes up. He is supposed to be making me feel secure!!! He's not... Im tired of being afraid.
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