Earlier this week I posted and requested how I could turn our 1 year dday into a positive experience instead of dwelling on the past year and the affects the A brought. Last night when my H came home he said he wanted to see the email I sent to his SIL as he was unsettled about it and wished I hadn’t sent it to her. I showed it to him and his remark was that "it was lame" for me to send it. As we were discussing it, I had told him that it hurt me that he made the decision to send his brother the money without first consulting me. He answered that since we had discussed it (with no conclusion) that I had been involved. I don't know what happened, but in that moment I looked at my H in a very different way. I had begun to realize that although my brain hadn't registered it, when my H touches me, caresses me, kissed my neck that I just don't respond to it anymore. In fact, I wish he'd stop it. Reflecting on this past year also made me realize that although he went to counseling with me, this just plain hasn't affected him in the least. I know I've said that before. He got out o fit virtually unscathed. Leaving a wrecked road for me to try and maneuver on my own. It's not anger that I feel its sadness. My heart use to skip a beat when I saw him or got an email or text from him. Now I just feel obligated to respond. Will this pass? I'm hoping so!
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