I just wanted to post some good news. After being adamant about not going to MC, my H has given me the green light to find a MC and put the ball in my court. I have someone in mind whose speciality is working with men and couples only. I have asked someone I know who she and her fiance' did premarital counseling with 5 or 6 years ago for some feedback, positive and/or negative. Although we are 2 years and 1 month past Dday, I feel our healing has been slow because after a distastrous 1st MC experience in which I was blindsided by my H stating he was "done" (he couldn't even say the other D word), in which we didn't pay a cent for and the guy wasn't even licensed (he is now though and has moved to another state, but I wouldn't go back to him anyways). I really don't blame the MC though, but it was more like "crisis counseling" than truly MC. My H was still in the fog the whole 2 months we were in MC. I found out 4 days before my H decided to cut and run and abandon me and our marriage that he was still in phone and online contact with the OW but due to long distance couldn't restart anything physical. We weren't going anywhere with him still having contact with her and in highsight looking back I felt I should have separated until he could make up his mind and figure out what he wanted even though she was never leaving her H for mine. In fact, he didn't even know about the 2 of them and to this date I don't know if he ever found out, if she confessed, or if he caught her with someone a lot closer to home as my H later made a comment once the fog lifted that he felt like she had been running around on him (but he didn't use the word "cheating"). So, now I'm working on finding the "right" MC for us. I already told H if he doesn't feel comfortable with the 1st guy or neither one of us do then we'll keep looking til we find the right fit for us. I know my H would not be comfortable with a female MC so I am willing to see a male counselor so he will hopefully be more comfortable discussing certain issues. Anyways, hope this will be a positive experience for us both and help in the rebuilding process. I told him I want to focus less on his A since we are 2 years out and more on what we can do to prevent it from happening again on either of our ends cause to be honest I've felt that vulnerability at times and also my goal for MC for us is learning how to have better communication and a happier, healthier marriage.
Posts You May Be Interested In