Hmmm, lost my first reply, so here goes again:
Honey, my heart goes out to you. Me, the same...full of confidence, successful business, happy, laughing, joy (until D day). But you have to remember it's NOT about you...at all. Your H is the one with the issues, and I'd bet the farm (if I had one) he still loves you, can't understand what it was about, but is truthful when he says it was NOT about you. And if you're especially not getting that, remember, Hugh Grant slept with a hooker when he was living with Elizabeth Hurley.
Take care, take GOOD care of yourself.

it's a slow process...getting over this...not blaming yourself...wondering why they would choose someone over you...you have to keep telling yourself that it wasn't about you it was their problem and..in many cases it wasn't about the OW/OM it could have been anyone...it was the affair that was important to them..the way the affair made them feel..what the affair represented to them...not about you...they had the character flaw....
going to individual counseling for over a yeaar has been very helpful for me...my therapist is kind, optimistic, and very encouraging...
I also try to read authors and books that have positive messages...

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate the support. I have been dying to talk to anyone who can relate & understand what I'm going through & it looks like I finally found it. :)

Hi there, I can tell you that my husband didn't have an affair with an attractive 18 year old, he had an affair with a very unattractive woman who is nasty and looks twice my age. The damage to my self esteem though was pretty terrible because all I could think was "he chose HER over ME?" and that thought pounded at my confidence and my self esteem on a daily, sometimes minute to minute basis. I think the truth is that it doesn't matter who they cheat with, we always wonder if we weren't pretty enough, slim enough, smart enough, funny enough, sexy enough....we make it about us - the truth is that it isn't about us at all - it is about them and their own insecurities and problems. Try to remember that you are a great person and that it is him who needs to change, not you. What you are going through is perfectly normal - it hurts like hell but it is norma and in time, it does pass.

almost one year out from reveal for me. Two OW's and both younger. What the other's have written is true, the trouble lies within your spouse not with you. Our trouble comes with really truly believing that and trusting our spouses when they keep repeating that to us. I too suffer from esteem issues now. I think part of the healing of the marriage must include your spouse working extremely hard at making an effort to help you feel better about yourself.

Mine cheated on me while I was pregnant and couldn't have intercourse because of placenta previa. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and look at every thing like you nomally do be sad about it then I want you to say to yourself. That you are not perfect nobody is perfect that makes you who you are and you are the shit !

I have saggy boobs and stretch marks that is part of me. That makes me the shit! http://www.thescarproject.org/index.html
http://imaginis.com/breasthealth/news/news1.31.00a.asp
In life we will be injured sretched, scared. My grandmother is a survivor of breast cancer. We were told she only had a 10% chance of living. She had a mastectomy I posted these sites for you to see how beautifull we are even thought we are not perfect. We are all beautifull.

Brooks...have you gone for any counseling since all of this happened...it sounds like you are in a lot of pain....and are dealing with so much...pregnancy, a new baby, and finding out about your husband's betrayal....No one could get through all of that without help. You need to see someone ASAP...you need to stay strong and healthy and ppositive for your new baby...
Maybe with counseling both you and your husband will be able to make sense of it all...
You are a beautiful, valuable person...what your husband did was selfish, self centered, unkind and just wrong. The affair was NOT about anything lacking in you. You have value...

Hi Lynn, just wanted to say my husband was having an affair with his brother's daughter-in-law. He's 57, she's 40. It's not the looks, your character, or your confidence, it's all about them feeling good because they've gotten attention from a younger woman who makes them feel important.