Yes, that's another tragedy of an affair...how many other people it affects....... In my case, both of my young adult children know...and nieces and nephews...my sister,our friends...they will never think of my husband in the same way...I do think that if we did not reconcile...my children would have been much less forgiving with my husband...they probably would have been very distant...at first when he moved back home I saw that my kids were very wary of the whole thing...but, I guess as time has gone on and they see his comittment to making me happy they are coming around....no matter what age...I think kids always prefer that their parents stay together...At Christmas while we were taking a walk.. I turned to my beautiful, intelligent, successful 23 year old daughter and asked her if I was doing the right thing in taking him back...and she looked at me and said..yes.... I asked her because there have been times when I questioned my sanity in doing that...who forgives and forgets a betrayal this big? what kind of role model was I for my daughter? my niece? but...as someone pointed out to me...I am showing unconditional love...and forgiveness..not a weakness...
and..yes...my kids are proud of their dad's changed attitude and dedication to his sobriety through AA and...everyone is communicating much more...I think my son and daughter have become much closer due to this mess..

jrsygrl13

I agree that you are teaching your children what unconditional love really is! Bless you for that! I strongly feel that it does exist and that it is truly what a relationship has to be built on,, of course that along with trust and respect!

Hugs!
Jerrie

Although I have two very young children, I do believe that they sensed something was terribly wrong. Mommy crying in the bathroom or having periods of staring into space and not doing much was hard on them. It was hard to be a mom during the first initial shock. So hard to function. It still can be as it has only been 8 weeks. They have seen their father leave and come back twice. I feel so terrible what it might be doing to them. We have talked to them and used simple but honest language to help explain things to them. We told them that mommy and daddy's marriage is sick and we are seeing a doctor to help it get better. We are unhappy because our marriage to each other is sick. This has nothing to do with them. They didn't do anything wrong, but that this is something big people sometimes and I mean sometimes go through. The doctor will help us figure out why we are sick and it might take a while.

When my H left and came back the last time (it will be the last time), we told them that our marriage was still sick, but we are not ready to give up. We do love each other and want it to get better. Daddy will live here with us but not in the same room as mommy. This way Daddy and Mommy can talk.

I think these simple answers helped relieve them and our older son who is about to be 7 has been able to share what he is feeling. He has asked a lot of questions and I have always tried to answer them with what I thought he could handle.

I feel that as tragic as this A is, it has helped my older son and I get closer. We always had a good relationship, but we butt heads a lot. He is a lot like me and some of my not-so-good traits, he has mirrored them to a tee. So it frustrates me in that I can't help him see that they serve no good. I have been doing amazing growth and have become so much more spiritual. He has seen a change and has commented on it. Now, I hope he can pick up some of those traits! :)

One odd twist in all this is, we have trip to Disney planned for this upcoming Tues. We actually had this trip planned 5 months ago. Throughout all of this, we have gone from not going, to my going with the kids and my mom, to now going as a family. We explained to the kids that this trip is the celebration of a new family one who will work hard to be close, connected and very loving.

My H and I have agreed that this trip may actually be a blessing in disguise (when I first found out about the A. I wanted to postpone it or cancel it altogether. He urged me not to if anything to take the kids with my mom as they have been looking forward to it.). He really feels that this is our new beginning and is so looking forward to it. I am too! Our weekend away last weekend had did wonders and we are big Disney World fans and it hopefully will bring us closer as a family.