I have been married for almost 12 years, have 2 young kids (8 & 5) and have been trying to stay strong. My H and I had a decent marriage for probably 7 or 8 years, then our finances tanked. With a lot of stress and worry, we kept our heads above water, and I had supported him on a new business. Once the ecomony fell and people were losing jobs left and right, my H began to lie about our finances. His business failed and had to work 2 jobs to support us and the house. I had also started to work again, but it wasnt enough. When I had found out about our financial situation, I had lost it...and a lot of faith in him. We eventually were able to work out a debt management plan with a company and ease that stress in our lives. Trying to alleviate the stress further I had suggested we sell our house and start fresh, without having to deal with the money. I had thoght we were on the right path, and we were about to start joint counseling. Then i found an earring in my home. I was devasted!! I confronted him immediately and he admitted everything. That was on a Thursday, by the following Tuesday, I was at a lawyers office writing up divorce papers. He was served and we were headed for divorce. It wasnt until it started to get ugly discussing the kids, when I suggested that we try to talk to each other directly instead of throught the lawyers and spending gobs of $$. After we started talking, I had asked if he wanted to go through with the divorce, he initially said yes. However after some time...i would say about 4 to 6 months, we agreed to see the counselor again, to see if we can make it work for us. He offered to pay for all the co-pays, he made all the efforts to go to just about every appointment. He said in the meetings with the counselor that things are over between him and OW, he was working at the same place, but trying to get a new job, and spent nights either on the job or on a friends couch. I believed every word he said. He would reassure me, that we are going to live together again, I worked on myself and the problems I brought to the relationship (i went to counsleing for myself too). Things were going great! I was dating my H, we were having good times again. Then, after almost a year and a half of therapy, and coming up to 2 years since all this went down, i got a text from HER. The SAME person who he had claimed to have broken up with. They had been living together this whole time! And here I am...dreams and hopes crushed, shocked at the lies and deceipt! Round 2 has begun. We are on speaking terms, and have agreed to go to the counselor again. The OW has since moved out. He has started seeing a counselor for himself to work on all his problems. He wants things to work with us, and i want us to work too (which i feel absolutely crazy to think about giving him another chance). i dont want a dysfunctional relationship with him either, as in those people who return to batterers or alcoholics thinking that they can be fixed. i love this man and i want it to work...i just dont know when enough is enough! any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
Posts You May Be Interested In
I'm in an emotional affair and don't plan to end it. Can someone point to the right thread or group?
I wanted to post again after a long absence. This is an anniversary of sorts for me. My H cheated with a subordinate, older, married co-worker. As things unfolded I learned that this wasn’t just an affair. It had gone on for a decade or more. We are still together and I think of this as being something of a miracle. Like so many BS I was shocked that my H would cheat. From my...