It's been 1 month since I found out about the affair. It's still burned in my brain when she uttered the words she had sex with someone else. I felt helpless, I cried asked her how could she...How could they do this to me.
Long story short, I offered my cousin, who I was really close to and saw as my own brother, a place in our home while he gets on his feet. From what my wife confessed to me, he pursued her and started telling her thing, sweet talking, telling her I was never a good husband, I don't love her, I don't do enough to help her, etc. At that time my wife and I were going through a rough patch and she fell for his words and started believing it.
Eventually she developed a school girl crush for him (as she calls it) and they kissed when I was out of town for work. She says it was akward and didn't feel right. 3 weeks passed, and I continued working out of town at least 3 days out of the week, well eventually they kissed again, she felt lust for him. This is where it got bad. She tells me she never intended to have sex with him, yea she had gotten curious, but she didn't want to do it. Well she had fallen on the ground as they were "play fighting" and he began to attempt to undress her. To which she said no. He then forced his way upon her, and raped her. Told her "isn't this what you wanted" when he was done.
My wife was devastated but she chose to keep this from me because she knew it would kill me. I began to notice her attitude changed towards him, she became distant and developed a hatred towards him. 2 weeks later he moved out of our house. My wife and him had a huge fight, almost came to killing each other.
The hints were there, I knew there was something wrong in my home. I just didn't expect my wife, let alone my cousin to do something like this to me. Either way she had told her mom that they had sex, in turn she told her husband. Eventually her husband couldn't take it anymore and told me. Then it took me two days to finally get a confession, he cracked. But his confession was evil, he bragged about how good it was with my wife and how it happened multiple times and that respect didn't matter to him. Even letting out an evil chuckle. When why wife found out she panicked, she knew it was over and she confessed, and I could see the devastation in her voice, and in her eyes, she was sincerely hurt by what happened.
I have chosen to not end my marriage, I have a 6 year old step-son who I love dearly and my 2 year old daughter. Also I know in my heart I feel I love my wife, even after all this I've been by her side supporting her in everything she's going through.
We have both have ended all communication with my cousin. It hurts knowing my own blood, my own family did this to me, and that my marriage and my relationship was not strong enough to withstand something like this.
The hardest thing im coping with is a bunch of what ifs:
What if she's lying to me?
What if more things happened?
Did she love him?
Was it more than once?
Should I divorce her or fight for our marriage?
I know in my heart I want to forgive, but my mind starts up the roller coaster and I get to a point I want to leave. I know I'm hurting her too because one moment we would be happy, seem like we are on track and then 5 minutes later I start questioning her and arguing with her :'(.