I will admit on the sex issue. I already had a problem before the infidelity. I was not open with my husband I was very uncomfortable with being my real self with him. I had sex, but I didn't have sex for me just to please him; in other words i just pretty much laid there or assumed the position if you don't mind me being blunt. After D-day I was so devestated I mean I felt so insecure with myself and my body, because by then I had two precious little girls. I was used to being thin all my life and at the time I thought I'm a mother in my 30's and I was over weight. It Didn't help the lady was thin and young 9 yrs younger. : ( Well, that was then so after months of pain and so many more things have happened since that time. I snapped one day after imagining them doing what he admitted to doing with her. I couldn't get it out of my head and I couldn't enjoy sex. I would cry or I would just not want it. I realized how I had given too much to that fling and all the other stuff he endulged in(others). It hurt very much, but this is my husband. I married him I love him I'm not gonna lay there an imagine someone else having him and enjoying him... She bragged to others that he was good in bed. oook nasty. Anyway I decided I was gonna enjoy sex again, because I needed it not because I need to keep him. Forget that.. I did it that way too long. Now My sex life is very different. I am very into pleasing myself and him as well. I'm not embarassed to talk about sex anymore. Its not a dirty word. I was in church for years and no one really talked about it. If its wrong why did God make our bodies like this? We are even told in the Bible that our H's body is ours and our body our H's. I am the one allowed to enjoy him so I will. I should be the one enjoying him not someone else. Right? Yes, I know what he has done and it does hurt me, but does that mean i should punish myself? Yes, I'm sure others are punishing their H.... In reality they are missing out on being held and acutally discovering what their H's like in bed. Everyone has their reason for not wanting to have sex..I'm not putting you down for your reason, but this is how I feel about it. I just have a different way of looking at sex. I have only been on DS and rebuilding marriage for about a little over 2 weeks. The way it has helped is through women who have shared somethings they learned from their marriage counselors like Aprilfool2007 she shares a lot of good stuff so does faithnhealing there are many others... I know sometimes we all go through a hard time, but if you want to rebuild focus on the ones that are taking steps toward getting closer to their spouse. I am barely starting on the website and I feel so much stronger. I don't feel alone. I guess thats how I can say DS has helped me. I believe that just sharing my story and situation with others has allowed some of the healing process to continue. I am not ashamed of what happened it did happen.. I accept it. I know my H is not perfect and I now know his weakness.. I am watchful now and I speak my mind when I see somethings i don't like. I try to do it in a good way, but I won't act like I'm perfect either sometimes I still get upset about the past. I just chose not to stay there. I just thought I'd share.
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